I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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