I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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