i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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