did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
