Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
