I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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