dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
