K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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