Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
