I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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