Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
