Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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