I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
