I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
