I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
