Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
