Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
