I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
