if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
