I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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