the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
