As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
