Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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