He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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