i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
