seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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