So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
