I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
