I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
