i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
