i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
