So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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