Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
