Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
