I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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