I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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