Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
