Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
