Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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