if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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