We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
