you have to choose: penises or morals?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
