we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
