tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
