I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
