a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
