Princesses don't give blow jobs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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