Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
