We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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