I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
