I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
