Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
